The Mountain Thymes

 Waking Saturday mornings feel heavy and hurtful, a sadness that is difficult to get away from no matter what I do.  It's an unexpected emotion but will get better as time goes on.  Can't blame it on the continuously dreary dark mornings because most other mornings I awaken to the same dark dreary weather that doesn't cause the same mood.  Even after a toss and turn night I had last night, I woke this morning ready to greet the day.  We're stuck in a wet, rainy, dreary pattern with weeks on end of maybe seeing sunshine once a week.  It's not ice or snow and temperatures are fifties through the night and sixties during the day but I can't get out to walk off the anxieties that pop up.  Not only are the surprise anxiety moods caused by coping with Cliff's passing but now my thyroid levels have been slowly dropping over the months changing from hypo to hyper.  Have never known to be hyper which is why I've dropped about twenty pounds in the past eigh...

 Temperature stayed 60 degrees all through the night last night. Tonight will be high thirties.  Cloudy, misty, dreary day.  It's hard for me to get motivated on these days. My doctor told me to find a reason to get out of the house every day to avoid isolation.  Suddenly a multitude of tasks starting popping into my head.  A friend suggested I list everything on paper then tackle one at a time leaving the others for another time. Once I listed the tasks I really didn't want to tackle any of them.  So I filled the red Toyota with recycles and trash bags and headed off to the transfer station avoiding my list.  From the transfer station I went to Mike's Seafood for  a blackened salmon lunch, to watch others eat and talk, then bought some servings of cod and salmon for the freezer.  It's harder to find peace on these darkest gloomy days.  But that's expected and I'm okay with that.............

  His radios, glasses, and watch still set on the end table.  His slippers and sneakers lay by the back door.  Jackets still occupy the hooks in the hallway.  His electric toothbrush holds its place by the bathroom sink.  In two out of seven photos, Cliff is eating.  John spent hours going through photos to show the Cliff we all knew and loved.  He loved me and he loved to eat.   Very simple ceremony at the funeral home.  Cliff didn't want a lot of fuss.  The EMTs and volunteer firefighters and I wanted the honor parade through town past station 17, ending at station 25 with the bells, Amazing Grace bagpipes, and the firefighters last call. Our neighbor up the road, Charlie, honoring Cliff with Amazing Grace bagpipes. Back at the ranch for a celebration of life....... The four children haven't been together since our mother died in December 2008.  They picked up right where they left off.       ...