The Mountain Thymes

 Good thing I'm fairly stable and mostly sane.....................  United Healthcare sent a check for $219.00 to the Estate of Clifton Lucht for over payment.  Our bank couldn't cash or deposit it because  of the words "Estate of". The teller said all they have to do is re-issue the check to Clifton Lucht.  Nope.  wrong!!  United Healthcare sent me a letter stating that I needed to show proof that I have the legal right to claim the refund of $109.50!!! where did they come up with that amount? so I need to send 1. copy of certified court papers or 2.  Letters of authority or administration or 3.  Small Estate Affidavit or 4.   Letter of Testamentary If you do not have these papers, just please fill out the Premium Refund Card.   Soo it goes from legal court documents to JUST fill out this card!!  The form just says that I promise to give the refund to the proper person!!! Cliff taught me to copy everything, date it, take pictures and save.  He is my hero!  Everyday i

 Went to a grief counseling session arranged by Four Seasons Hospice.  People need to be aware of what they are attending as some groups as not reputable.  This one is organized and lead by the hospice group.  It meets for six weeks each Monday.  I learned a lot my first Monday.  Basically, I learned that I'm doing quite well with the support I received from my family, my dear close friends, both volunteer fire departments, and my neighbors on my road.  I never feel lonely.  There is a difference in being alone and being lonely.  I treasure my alone time.  Alone allows me to be me.  I've never minded being alone......for awhile.  By the time the first session was over I knew it would be the only one.  The other eight people were mourning more than the loss of a loved one.  They were mourning their pasts, their abuses, their head stories.  I was more depressed being in the group.  What a great insight.  Everyone grieves in their own way at their own time. 

 Waking Saturday mornings feel heavy and hurtful, a sadness that is difficult to get away from no matter what I do.  It's an unexpected emotion but will get better as time goes on.  Can't blame it on the continuously dreary dark mornings because most other mornings I awaken to the same dark dreary weather that doesn't cause the same mood.  Even after a toss and turn night I had last night, I woke this morning ready to greet the day.  We're stuck in a wet, rainy, dreary pattern with weeks on end of maybe seeing sunshine once a week.  It's not ice or snow and temperatures are fifties through the night and sixties during the day but I can't get out to walk off the anxieties that pop up.  Not only are the surprise anxiety moods caused by coping with Cliff's passing but now my thyroid levels have been slowly dropping over the months changing from hypo to hyper.  Have never known to be hyper which is why I've dropped about twenty pounds in the past eighteen mo

 Temperature stayed 60 degrees all through the night last night. Tonight will be high thirties.  Cloudy, misty, dreary day.  It's hard for me to get motivated on these days. My doctor told me to find a reason to get out of the house every day to avoid isolation.  Suddenly a multitude of tasks starting popping into my head.  A friend suggested I list everything on paper then tackle one at a time leaving the others for another time. Once I listed the tasks I really didn't want to tackle any of them.  So I filled the red Toyota with recycles and trash bags and headed off to the transfer station avoiding my list.  From the transfer station I went to Mike's Seafood for  a blackened salmon lunch, to watch others eat and talk, then bought some servings of cod and salmon for the freezer.  It's harder to find peace on these darkest gloomy days.  But that's expected and I'm okay with that.............

  His radios, glasses, and watch still set on the end table.  His slippers and sneakers lay by the back door.  Jackets still occupy the hooks in the hallway.  His electric toothbrush holds its place by the bathroom sink.  In two out of seven photos, Cliff is eating.  John spent hours going through photos to show the Cliff we all knew and loved.  He loved me and he loved to eat.   Very simple ceremony at the funeral home.  Cliff didn't want a lot of fuss.  The EMTs and volunteer firefighters and I wanted the honor parade through town past station 17, ending at station 25 with the bells, Amazing Grace bagpipes, and the firefighters last call. Our neighbor up the road, Charlie, honoring Cliff with Amazing Grace bagpipes. Back at the ranch for a celebration of life....... The four children haven't been together since our mother died in December 2008.  They picked up right where they left off.                                                           Family photo....................

 Life in the fast lane................ Thursday afternoon Cliff asked me to get him to Union General Hospital as he felt his abdomen was full again and needed paracentesis (perforation of a body cavity to draw off excess fluid).  Glad  I'm not in a spelling bee!!!! While waiting for an ER room he had lab work done for the ER doctor.  Results showed not enough fluid to draw and after the doc talked to me about Cliff's condition and history, we were discharged.  We got home a little before 10 pm and both went straight to bed.  Exhausted.  The antibiotic for his blood bacteria is horrible on his system causing continuous regurgitation, no food, no fluids because it all comes back up so he decided to stop taking them. This morning he asked for his shaver, asked me to help him shower on his shower chair, put on clean clothes and settle on the couch.  Of course that whole routine was exhausting.   Saturday afternoon a social worker visited us to evaluate Cliff for PT.  He will receiv