The Mountain Thymes

 Waking Saturday mornings feel heavy and hurtful, a sadness that is difficult to get away from no matter what I do.  It's an unexpected emotion but will get better as time goes on.  Can't blame it on the continuously dreary dark mornings because most other mornings I awaken to the same dark dreary weather that doesn't cause the same mood.  Even after a toss and turn night I had last night, I woke this morning ready to greet the day.  We're stuck in a wet, rainy, dreary pattern with weeks on end of maybe seeing sunshine once a week.  It's not ice or snow and temperatures are fifties through the night and sixties during the day but I can't get out to walk off the anxieties that pop up.  Not only are the surprise anxiety moods caused by coping with Cliff's passing but now my thyroid levels have been slowly dropping over the months changing from hypo to hyper.  Have never known to be hyper which is why I've dropped about twenty pounds in the past eigh...

 Temperature stayed 60 degrees all through the night last night. Tonight will be high thirties.  Cloudy, misty, dreary day.  It's hard for me to get motivated on these days. My doctor told me to find a reason to get out of the house every day to avoid isolation.  Suddenly a multitude of tasks starting popping into my head.  A friend suggested I list everything on paper then tackle one at a time leaving the others for another time. Once I listed the tasks I really didn't want to tackle any of them.  So I filled the red Toyota with recycles and trash bags and headed off to the transfer station avoiding my list.  From the transfer station I went to Mike's Seafood for  a blackened salmon lunch, to watch others eat and talk, then bought some servings of cod and salmon for the freezer.  It's harder to find peace on these darkest gloomy days.  But that's expected and I'm okay with that.............

  His radios, glasses, and watch still set on the end table.  His slippers and sneakers lay by the back door.  Jackets still occupy the hooks in the hallway.  His electric toothbrush holds its place by the bathroom sink.  In two out of seven photos, Cliff is eating.  John spent hours going through photos to show the Cliff we all knew and loved.  He loved me and he loved to eat.   Very simple ceremony at the funeral home.  Cliff didn't want a lot of fuss.  The EMTs and volunteer firefighters and I wanted the honor parade through town past station 17, ending at station 25 with the bells, Amazing Grace bagpipes, and the firefighters last call. Our neighbor up the road, Charlie, honoring Cliff with Amazing Grace bagpipes. Back at the ranch for a celebration of life....... The four children haven't been together since our mother died in December 2008.  They picked up right where they left off.       ...

 Life in the fast lane................ Thursday afternoon Cliff asked me to get him to Union General Hospital as he felt his abdomen was full again and needed paracentesis (perforation of a body cavity to draw off excess fluid).  Glad  I'm not in a spelling bee!!!! While waiting for an ER room he had lab work done for the ER doctor.  Results showed not enough fluid to draw and after the doc talked to me about Cliff's condition and history, we were discharged.  We got home a little before 10 pm and both went straight to bed.  Exhausted.  The antibiotic for his blood bacteria is horrible on his system causing continuous regurgitation, no food, no fluids because it all comes back up so he decided to stop taking them. This morning he asked for his shaver, asked me to help him shower on his shower chair, put on clean clothes and settle on the couch.  Of course that whole routine was exhausting.   Saturday afternoon a social worker visited us ...

 This morning the three of us planned to meet for "coffee"at Ingles.  The three being me, Retired Nurse Susan, and M A MaryAnne.  In my cell phone directory they are noted as RN Susan and M A.  Coffee is in quotes because none of us drink coffee but it started that we would meet at Ingles, grab a Starbucks, and chat.  None of us like Starbucks and refuse to pay that kind of money for a cup of coffee.  McDonalds has senior coffee for about 57 cents.  We have had the hardest time coordinating our schedules for weeks just to get together for about an hour and chat.  Over the weekend M A fell and injured her shoulder, ended up in a sling for six weeks and told to rest and no driving.  RN Susan's husband fell and bruised his knees so badly that his mobility was unstable.  Cliff is always an hour by hour issue so at any time we three know that "coffee" may be rescheduled.  So not meeting for coffee allowed me to fill the Jacuzzi with lave...

 Ooooooo...............                                                            Yikes!   What is this white stuff?????????? For ten days around Christmas I was care-giver to Bill and Lisa's chickens.  The first four mornings were brutally cold.  Temps dipping to one degree. Their water container was frozen but the silly birds were nice and warm.  I only collected seven or eight eggs on those days. On the morning that it snowed they were cautious about feet touching the cold wet snow and when they did, they took flight loudly flapping their wings and looking for a dry safe place to perch.  I wish I could have snap a pic of them in flight but I was too busy getting out of...

 Mark arrived safely Thursday evening at 6:30.  Rain changing to snow was predicted but thankfully it never happened and he didn't run into any weather problems.  Friday we ran to Ingles for snacking foods and whatever else he needed while visiting us.  I made a warm red lentil soup with a little chopped kale.  Delicious with a crusty bread.  I'm taking care of the neighbors chickens while they are visiting family in Ohio.  This has been the worst cold spell we've ever been through in December.  Mark helped me thaw out the chickens' water container and collect eggs.  We bundles in layers and moved as quickly as we could Our temperature one morning was 1 degree! without the windchill........ Fingers were burning by the time we got back to the house.  Needless to say, we spent the weekend inside. We made pumpkin pie, brownies, slow-cooker turkey on Christmas day, butternut squash and mashed potatoes.  He was a great help in the kitche...