Waking Saturday mornings feel heavy and hurtful, a sadness that is difficult to get away from no matter what I do.  It's an unexpected emotion but will get better as time goes on.  Can't blame it on the continuously dreary dark mornings because most other mornings I awaken to the same dark dreary weather that doesn't cause the same mood.  Even after a toss and turn night I had last night, I woke this morning ready to greet the day.  We're stuck in a wet, rainy, dreary pattern with weeks on end of maybe seeing sunshine once a week.  It's not ice or snow and temperatures are fifties through the night and sixties during the day but I can't get out to walk off the anxieties that pop up.  Not only are the surprise anxiety moods caused by coping with Cliff's passing but now my thyroid levels have been slowly dropping over the months changing from hypo to hyper.  Have never known to be hyper which is why I've dropped about twenty pounds in the past eighteen months and no matter what I eat, cannot put on weight.  My Synthroid Rx has dropped from 150 mcg to 50 mcg over the past year.  So I routinely get blood work done to check the levels. My doctor believes its due to the two years of stress Cliff and I have been through so hopefully it'll level off soon.  

 The Carolina wrens started building a nest mid February in my canvas porch swing that I left out all winter.

I'll be watching to see if Mrs. wren lays eggs as it's really too early.   Pressure washing that part of the porch will be be delayed if she does lay and set on eggs.  

I washed the red "firetruck" last week.  

Didn't polish it.  May do that another day.

Lauria sends me little messages to cheer me up..........................

Hopefully in the next month I'll get Cliff's shed moved laterally to the left and get the ditch under the shed filled in with some of the driveway soil.  A couple of the volunteer firefighters will take down the tower and there is a guy who moves out buildings at a good price.  The site is more level to the left and which will allow  more room for container gardens and maybe my fire pit.  John will be back mid-March for three days to help me with whatever needs to be done.  The children have been wonderful.  I don't know how people go through this without dear friends and family contact.